Reflection #7

My God, My God why have you abandoned me?

He is in agony. Pain radiating through his body. Very difficult to focus on anything but this pain. Locked in the moment, hyper-aware. You can't go anywhere. You can't escape the pain. Caught up in it. All encompassing. Jesus holds onto God by his fingertips. Separated by a gulf of pain from his disciples and friends. He is alone and becomes increasingly aware of this. No-one can go through this with him. His whole focus is on the agony, alone in his suffering. He tries to hold onto God. Tries to fight the thoughts closing in on him. Tries to stay focused outwards. Darkness falls. Three hours struggling. His head drooping forward. Turmoil inside.

He loves his enemies. His righteousness exceeds that of the Scribes and Pharisees. He is rich and became poor. He offers his other cheek to be slapped. He forgives those who sin against him. He serves one master. He goes a second mile. He is pure in heart, only willing one thing - to do the will of the Father. He faces down evil with incredible costly love.

He hangs there in the face of indifference. He experiences everything but the one thing which is at the extreme of human experience. To be abandoned by God.

At 3 o' clock Jesus cries out in a loud voice - Why? Why? Why Abandoned?

God "in extremis". God hangs there in the face of evil, hypocrisy, indifference and everything wrong in the whole of creation. He also hangs there in the face of losing God. God abandoned by God.

It's a place beyond our comprehension. The moment when Jesus comes to the end of all he is. He is beyond. Off the map.

I don't know how the Trinity worked while Jesus was human, but in this place, Jesus feels himself utterly alone. A being who has lived in community all of his eternal existence. Abandoned. The community of the Godhead totally disrupted, Father and Spirit.

Did he need to go that extreme? It feels to me like he did. He needed to experience this ultimate place beyond God. And I am struck again by his love even in the face of complete mystery and unknowing.

Jesus shouted out again and released his spirit.